Trends: No Time For Logic

Trends are odd. There's no denying that. They're tenacious, yet fleeting. They infect the human psyche and are deeply embraced, but are at the same time scoffed and ridiculed even by those who partake. Some are worse than others, while some are completely harmless, albeit annoying.

Trends happen. And whenever and wherever they happen, there will be assholes like me there to be irritated and make fun of 'em.

Now, I'm not going to waste space here in this vast internet of ours on making fun on fixed gears. At least not to great lengths. Maybe later I'll take the time to vent about the ridiculousness of someone commuting with a 25/13 drive-train, or seeing a $1000 Cinelli MASH frameset parked outside a "dive-bar" (note: tattooed bartenders, Cramps memorabilia, and PBR do not a dive bar make) but for now, I'll let that be.

So why, if I'm not here to bash a dead scene, even bring it up? I'm glad you asked (I know you didn't really ask. Just humor me for a minute, will you?) My problem with fixed-gear bikes has been the uses people have employed them for, and their justifications for doing so. We know the arguments: "it's simple", "it's minimalist", "it's zen", "it's less hassle." When I hear arguments like this, my mind immediately translates everything said into "it's trendy." Some folks may call it "utilitarian." I call it "the wrong tool for the job."

We've seen this our entire lives. That is, we've seen people refuse to use what makes sense for what they're doing in order to use what happens to be cool at that point in time. Normally I shrug that whole behavior off since it doesn't effect me. But when it does, it really presses my red button (and as we all remember very well from Looney Tunes, you never want to press the red button.)

Most recently, it's been idiots like this riding all over my college campus on these.


I have nothing wrong with skaters, or skateboards, or anything like that. As a matter of fact, I was a very avid skater in my middle and high school years. It was my thing. And when I gave it up to pursue other hobbies and endeavors, I held no grudges to those who were either sticking with it and getting really good or to those who were just discovering it and falling in love with the sport. Skating is great. It's faster than walking, takes less effort than running, and in certain situations is more convenient than cycling.

But why the longboard? Longboards are hard to ride. They're unwieldy, and are hard to stop. Also, turning is next to impossible unless they are finely tuned and the operator is traveling at a fast, steady speed. So why use one to get through packed walkways where turning sharply, stopping quickly, and operating smoothly are all vital to the safety of you and those around you that offers none of those features? Because longboards are trendy. Just like fixed gears. And just like fixed-gears, they are designed for a specific type of riding, and are being used for quite the opposite. "Well, I'm not gonna go down any hills, there aren't any wide sidewalks for me carve on, and my city is completely land-locked. Better get a device designed for the opposite of what I'm gonna do and borrow a trending item from a culture I know nothing about."

Remember what I was saying earlier about the wrong tool for the job?

Hang ten, San Jose. Whatever that means.